Each day is like a ever ending nightmare

[jessie]

Short Shield Story

Each day is like a ever ending nightmare

A scream could be heard throughout the prison, and Ronnie sat up his face was full of sweat, and he couldn't breath, he wanted to die, but he wanted revenge more. He was sitting in here while Vic was out there somewhere doing who knows what. Ronnie never hated anyone like he hated Vic Mackey, but there was nothing he could do about it. He knew one day he would be stabbed in the back, and some days he wished it would happen but for now they have separated him from the general public but once the trial was over he knew he would be thrown into General public, and than life in Prison will take on a whole new meaning of living in hell. Ronnie had been writing a letter to Vic, but he knew he would never send it. Ronnie grabbed the pen, and paper, and sat on the small cot, and looked at what he wrote so far.

Vic

I am writing this knowing you probably will never see this letter, but I want to write down exactly how I feel about you. I looked up to you as a Friend, Leader, but more than anything, I thought of you as a Brother. You were the only person, I ever told about my past. I trusted you even more then Lem, and he was the most deceit one of all of us. I would switch places with Lem in a minute he didn't deserve to die. I hated Shane but he was running scared, and sitting alone in this dirty, cold cell, I call home now. I had time to think about Shane, I never told you he came to me one day, and told me what happened, and he told me about Terry. I knew it was true what he was saying, but I thought he was just trying to make himself feel better for murdering Lem, but I should have listened to Shane, and got myself a deal, and put you, and Shane in jail for life. I am in here, and I might deserve to do time but knowing you are out there walking around breathing in fresh air, and probably getting laid right this minute makes me sick. I know things happen for a reason, and maybe I deserve to be in here. I can only hope one day you will screw up, and I pray they stick you in a cell right beside me, and I will show you how much I hate you. You don't have the guts to come to prison to face me. I asked, and they told me you thought it was best you didn't come. You knew I was going down, and I was going down all alone. I just have one question, and I want you to tell me face to face. You owe me Vic, I want to know why you didn't tell me to run? I could have left town you could have had your sweet deal, and I would be living in a different hell, but at least, I would not be locked up like a caged animal. I helped put so many of these guys in jail, and I know they are waiting for a moment where they can stab me in the back. I get that but getting stabbed in the back by a person I thought was like a Brother hurts more than any made of shank that one of these guys stick in my back. I don't know if you will read this, I just might send it to your comfy office, I was told you are working at now. I hope I am in your dreams, and I hope you see Mara, Jackson, and Lem in your dreams too. I am looking forward to seeing you here in prison just once, I want to see your face, and I want to hear why I am in here alone, and why you got away with everything.

Ronnie

Ronnie folded the paper, and put it in a envelope, and licked it. He was going to mail this letter, and he sure hoped Vic will come, and face him so at least he can tell Vic face to face what he hopes happens next.

[Sanda]

Great start to your new story Jessie. :)I feel horrible for Ronnie being stuck in jail because of what Vic did and that he wishes that Vic in jail with him rotting as well. I hope and that things get better for Ronnie soon and I especially hope that the prison guards let Ronnie send Vic the letter he wrote to him so he can know just how much Ronnie hates his guts. You write all of the different characters of The Shield perfectly. I hope you update this story again really soon.

[jessie]

Chapter 2

It was one week since Ronnie mailed the letter, and he realized Vic was not going to come. He should have known Vic was a coward, and he was walking around free while he was rotting away in this cell. Ronnie grabbed a book but he threw it across the room. He laid back, and shut his eyes but he head Ben one of the guards that treated him half deceit call out his name.

Ronnie sat up, and Ben said he had a visitor. Ronnie couldn't believe it could it be Vic it had to be who else would come to visit him? He had no family his parents were gone, and his Brother has not spoke to him in years. Ronnie stood up as Ben opened the cell, and said he had a half an hour. They walked down the hall, and into a room, and Ronnie stood staring through the glass. His heart was racing Vic showed up, and now that he was here he didn't know if he could go through with this. He wanted to know the truth, and he wanted Vic to tell him face to face why he was in here, and Vic was out there free. Ronnie walked over sitting down he picked up the phone, and Vic lifted his receiver. They both were silent, and finally Vic said.

"Ronnie I was surprised when I got your letter. I never thought you would want to see me again."

"I don't want to see you Vic but I need you to face me, and tell me why you did this to me"

"Ronnie I hate that you are in here but I had to save my family"

"Shut up Vic you wanted to save yourself. You know Corrine never would have spent a day in jail. They offered you the deal, and you lied to me saying you had my back. You knew I would be arrested, and I would spend the next 25 years of my life in this place, and you didn't give a d**n. Did you even care about any of us Vic"?

"You know I cared about you, and Lem, and even Shane. You were like family, I don't know what went wrong Ronnie but I think about you everyday"

"Really I don't want your pity, I want you to tell me why"?

"Ronnie I don't know what you want me to say"?

"I want to know why you didn't tell me to leave town. You had your deal they couldn't pull it back, I could have left before I got arrested. You told me to keep my mouth shut, and all the while you were stabbing me in the back. You know I thought Shane was the bad seed but it was all you Vic. You ruined Lem's life the poor guy had bleeding ulcers because he couldn't deal with the stuff we all did. I have a lot of time sitting in this cell, and looking back you acted like a friend but you only did what was best for you, and you used us all to help you. Shane was like your side kick, and he would do whatever you asked him to do. He came to me, and told me all about you, and Terry, and I believed him, but I couldn't turn my back on you. I should have helped Shane, and together we could have went in. Shane would have ended up in jail for killing Lem, but together we could have brought you down. You more than any of us should be sitting in this cell. I hated Shane he killed Lem, but I know it was eating him up alive. I sit back, and wonder how Shane could kill his family, but I think he was so lost, and he felt there was no way out"

"Shane was a fool, and killing his family just proved how screwed up he actually was"

"Wow where is your Family Vic, I think that is the only thing that gives me comfort. I hope you never see your Family again Vic because you would deserve it."

Vic wanted to get up, and leave but he had to sit here, and let Ronnie get whatever he needed off his chest.

"You don't have much to say Vic"

"Ronnie I know you hate me, and I understand that. I can't change what has happened, and I know I should be in there beside you. I was not a good friend, but I cared about you, and you can believe that or not but it is true"

Ronnie was so angry he hated that there was glass between them. If there wasn't he can't say he wouldn't try to kill Vic. Ronnie was staring at Vic, and they just stared at each other, Vic could see Ronnie hated him.

[Sanda]

Great update Jessie. :)I am so happy that Vic came to see Ronnie in prison after he got the letter that Ronnie sent him so Ronnie could come to the prison and confront him and tell him exactly how much he hates him for everything he put him through. You write all of the different characters of the Shield so well. I definitely need to check out this show in the future. :)I hope you update this story again really soon. I really love reading this story even though I don't think I have ever seen an episode of this show.

[melinda]

I love this, it is so like Vic to still try to blame others for his problems. I'm happy you got me to watch this show, it is better than this season's WD for sure. Great job, I am thrilled you are writing for this show!

[jessie]

Chapter 3

Ronnie sat back down one of the Guards said he would be taken back to his cell if he didn't. Vic could see Ronnie was no longer the man he was when they worked together. He had hatred in his eyes but Vic knew full well he deserved the hatred. He owed Ronnie but what could he say to make him understand that he hated turning his back on him. He had no choice if he told Ronnie about the deal it would have been ripped out from underneath him. Vic hated to admit it he was not willing to rot in a prison cell for him. He was free but he was living in a hell sitting at that desk day in , and day out. Vic wanted to be out on the streets but that would never happen now.

Ronnie picked up the phone, and Vic waited for him to say what he wanted to say.

"How is your job"?

"Ronnie you don't care about my job but if you need to know it sucks. I wear a suit sit at a desk, and type up reports day in, and day out"

Ronnie smiled, "You wearing a suit that I would like to see. You want to know about my life here"

"Ronnie I know what you are going through"

"Really you do that is amazing have you ever spent a day in this prison. I start out my day getting up at 5am. I am lucky I don't have a roommate but I am told that might change any day. I get a real special breakfast you would love it. I get two showers a week, and you should see the reading material I get to read. I forgot to tell you twice I almost got stabbed in the back by some guys we put in here. That is the only reason, I am in my own cell. I had my life threatened, and I wish they succeeded because I would rather die than live another day in this prison. The only time I get any peace is when I sleep, and have dreams about getting out of here, and coming to visit you"

"Ronnie I am sorry"

"Tell me the truth for once in your life Vic. Please admit you threw me under the bus to save your own butt. I need for you to admit that to me"

"I couldn't tell you about the deal that was part of the conditions"

"I trusted you Vic I thought of you like a Brother. I would have done anything for you Vic, I never would have did what you did to me"

"Really Ronnie if they offered you a deal you would have taken it in a minute"

"Don't you dare tell me what I would have done. I could have came in with Shane, and we could have taken you down. I didn't but I wish I did now, I would love to see you go through what I am going through."

"I am not having a grand old time Ronnie. I lost everything, I lost my Team, I lost my job, and my family"

"You are free you selfish piece of crap"

"Fine there is nothing I can say to you to make this right. You can continue hating me if that is what gets you through the day."

"You think I should forgive you Vic, I will hate you until the day I die"

Vic hung up the phone, and grabbed his coat, and walked away but turned once more to look at Ronnie. He couldn't blame Ronnie he was right he was a horrible person. He ruined so many people's lives but he couldn't do anything about it now. Vic walked out, and Ronnie was brought back to his cell.

[Sanda]

Great update Jessie. :)I loved the talk between Ronnie and Vic in this chapter at the prison. I don't blame Vic for being angry and bitter because he is in prison because Ronnie through him under the bus to save his own skin. I am glad that Vic told Ronnie exactly what life is like in prison and that he didn't sugar coat it. I am also so glad that Ronnie woke up at the end of this chapter when he was getting ready to leave the prison after his talk with Ronnie that he is indeed a horrible person. I hope you update this story again really soon. I love this Shield story you are writing even though I am not really familiar with the TV show since I can't remember if I have seen an episode of this show or not. I hope you update this story again really soon.

[melinda]

Hi Jessie

It is wonderful to see you writing, you write the shield extremely, extremely well. You really got into Ronnie's head and how he might be feeling. I could picture this whole story really just like an episode. I'm glad to see it continued, and you should be proud of this. This just really is awesome writing.

I've been wanting to rewatch parts of The Shield, but after what happened with the actor who played Julien this week, I don't know if I can yet. I love the show, but that was so sad and scary.

Please don't give up writing, this is just awesome. It helped me to get my mind off things and what happened to the actor, and it just made me remember the love I have for the show. Very good, thank you

[jessie]

Chapter 4

It was weeks later Vic was sitting at his desk going over a report he had to finish by the end of the day. He put his hands over his face this boring job was getting to him. He was tired of typing up reports, and he knew he had another 2 and a half years in this place, and it almost made him want to walk out of this place, and get in his car, and keep driving until he found someplace he would never be found. He knew he didn't want that kind of life so tomorrow morning he would be back here doing the same thing. He looked at his watch he had one hour left, and he knew it would go slow like it does everyday here. He lifted up a picture of his family, and he wondered how they were doing. He worried about them but he has tried so hard to find out where they are. It is like they fell off the face of the earth. He knew the chances he will ever see them again would be slim. He knew it was his own fault but blaming Corrine was easier than blaming himself. She had to know he would never harm the children, but she was scared, and asked for witness protection. He has done a lot of bad things, and he deserves to be miserable but nothing compares to the loss of your Children, and not knowing if they are safe, and if they are happy or sick. He hated going home everyday thinking maybe Corrine would send some kind of message to tell him they are safe but everyday there is no news from her.

He knew he better focus and get this report done. He didn't want to stay another minute more than he had to. He did what he had to do, and put the report in a file folder, and walked it over and put it in the bin in Olivia Murray's office. He was happy she was not there because he hated seeing the hatred in her eyes. She has made his life hell because she was angry she made a deal with the Devil as she said everytime she sees him. He walked back to his desk, and was glad the day was over. He grabbed his coat, and walked to the elevator, and was glad he was out of this place, but he knew being at home was no better because it was a one bedroom apartment. He has not dated or had any friends since what happened at the Precinct. His life was miserable but it was better than Ronnie who was stuck in that Prison alone. He could only imagine what Ronnie was going through, and it truly made him feel ill.

[Sanda]

Great but sad update Jessie. :'(I feel bad for Vic since he doesn't know if his wife Corrine and their children are safe or not since they asked to be in the witness protection program. I feel bad for both Vic and Ronny in this story you are writing since they are each living in their own private hell. I hope things get better for the both of them really soon. I hope you update this awesome story again really soon. :)I love this Shield story you are writing even though I don't think I have ever seen an episode of this show.

[jessie]

The last update to this story.

Chapter 5

A few days later Vic was sitting at his desk at work staring at the computer. He was having a bad day but normally everyday was not great recently. Vic was typing up a report when Olivia walked up behind him, and said there was someone here to see him. They were in the meeting room. Vic was confused he got up, and asked Olivia who was wanting to see him?

Olivia walked away not answering him Vic was not surprised she has treated him like crap since she found out she made a deal with him, and she found out everything he was involved with. She said she made a deal with the Devil. She was probably right but he was not the first person that made a deal to get out of jail time, and he wouldn't be the first. Vic got up, and walked to the meeting room, and opened the door. He couldn't believe his eyes he almost shut the door, and walked back to his desk.

"Vic you should hear what I have to say" Claudette stood up, and Vic never in a million years  thought  he would see anyone from the Precinct again especially Claudette. Vic walked in, and shut the door, and just stared at Claudette.

Claudette sat down, and Vic grabbed a seat and sat down, and finally said.

"Why are you here Claudette"?

"Well I hear you went to visit Ronnie at the Prison"

"Is it any of your business who I visit"?

"No I am surprised you went to see him after you stabbed him in the back"

"I am not doing this with you Claudette for your information Ronnie wanted to see me."

"Did you have a nice talk"? Claudette said

"No it was not nice he hates me, and I don't blame him. I did stab him in the back, I should be in jail but I am not. I am doing my time in this prison, and I am keeping my nose out of trouble. I don't get why you are here but I am sure you want to rub some kind of bad news in my face"

Claudette opened up a file, and took a photo out, and slide it across the table. Vic didn't want to look at it but he finally picked it up, and looked at it. Claudette could see Vic's hand start to shake as he put the photo back down, and just glared at Claudette.

"They found him in his cell they say he was beaten so bad. They said he asked to be put in the general public area of the prison. He wanted to die he actually told some of the inmates he was a Detective. They are investigating but they found this letter in his cell. They feel he had this all planned out, and he wanted you to read this"

Vic jumped up, "Go to Hell Claudette, I am not reading the letter. You wanted to come here, and tell me Ronnie is dead. You wanted to see how I would react. I guess I am glad he is dead because now I can stop wondering what he is going through in that prison. He was a friend but I am sick and tired of taking the blame for everything that happened to my team."

"Vic Mackey all your guys are dead because of you. The only things he wrote in this letter was he knows he deserved to be serving time. He said you got away with everything, and that he was actually jealous you got away with so much, but you really should be proud how you got Lem, Shane and me to go along with all your crazy ideas. I will be dead by the time you read this, I don't care but I want to tell you Vic, I will see you in Hell." Claudette put the letter down saying that is where the letter ended.

"No I didn't kill Lem Shane did. I hated Shane for doing it but I can see why he did it now"

"You can"?

"He was scared he had a family he didn't want to go to jail. I know Lem would never turn on us but Shane was afraid. I took this deal for my family, and I have not seen them since I took this deal. I am sorry Ronnie is dead but I am not to blame for his death. I look back, and I know I am to blame for bringing them along with me but I didn't force them. They agreed to go along with everything we did so I admit I started our track down the wrong path but they are just as much to blame. You know who we deal with, and after a while everything just got to be to much. You bring them in, and their lawyers get them off, and it made me sick. I saw these criminals making a living off drugs, guns, and money laundering, and I thought why shouldn't I take advantage of my badge, and help my family"

Claudette was angry, and she wanted to stay calm but she yelled. "You keep saying you wanted to help your family that might be true but what example did that show your children. You claim to love your children but you running around being a Cop, and a bad guy at the same time could have got them killed. You walked around like no one could touch you. The day you got that deal was the worst day of my career. I still see Shane, Mara, and Jackson everyday in my head. He wanted to come clean, and I wish he got the deal before you. I think he killed them because he knew Mara would go to jail. He was afraid his children would go in foster care. I never liked Shane much but he followed you around like a little puppy. He would do anything you say, and so would Lem. I hate that Lem is dead he was a good man, I don't know why he followed you but he did. I think it was eating him up inside. I feel bad for Ronnie but he deserved to go to jail but I don't know how he felt knowing you were walking free. You got your deal, and you can lie to yourself you are to blame for destroying so many peoples lives. I am glad your children are not in your life, and I hope you never get a chance to see them. I hope every night when you go to bed, I hope you see all your victims faces especially Terry. I came here to tell you all your team are gone, and I wanted to see if you would show some remorse. You are selfish Vic Mackey, I actually feel sorry for you. I am sure one day you will look back, and realize what you did but by than it will be to late for forgiveness."

Vic stood up, and walked out of the office. Claudette picked up the photo of Ronnie, and walked out of the office. Vic walked to his desk, and sat down he was cold inside he wanted to forget about everything Claudette said. She was wrong he did have remorse but you can't take the past back, and there is nothing he could do but move forward. He knew he had to do his time in this job but the day he can walk out of here he would, and he would move somewhere where no one would know who he is. He started to go back to work but his mind could not focus all he could think about was the picture Claudette threw in front of him. What those guys did to Ronnie was something he would never forget. He was not going to give Claudette the satisfaction but she was right he is haunted by the photos of Shane, Mara, and Jackson. He sees Lem in that burnt up car, and he remembers hearing Ronnie screaming at him the day they arrested him. He now has a new image stuck in his head. It would be easier to put a bullet in his head, but that was not him he will never give up on his children. He had to think one day he will find them, and maybe he will take them, and let Corrine realize what it is like not knowing where your children are. Vic lifted up the pictures of his kids, and smiled they were his reason to live, and he knew as of this moment he would spend every spare moment looking for them. He went back to work, and finished his report. It was 6pm he turned off his computer, and got up and put on his coat. He walked to Olivia's office she was sitting at her desk. He put the file in her bin, and walked out not saying a word to her. She knew why Claudette came to see him, and she was surprised he was not more upset. Vic walked to the elevator, and got on as he noticed Olivia standing by her door looking at him. He waved as the door shut he smiled but Olivia walked back to her desk, and whispered, "God he is the Devil" as she looked at the file he gave her. She had to admit he has done his job good but she never expected anything less with Vic Mackey. He still had 18 months, and she was going to make those months very unpleasant.

Vic got in his car, and drove to one of his old friends. He was a private investigator, and he went in, and asked him to help find Corrine, and his kids. His friend Jerry said he would help but it might be impossible to find them if they were in witness protection. Vic said he would pay and he would appreciate any help he could give him. Jerry said he would do his best Vic walked out, and got in his car, and drove home. He didn't know what the future held for him, but Vic Mackey does not give up, and no one would ever keep him from doing what he wanted to do.

The End.

[Sanda]

Great but sad ending to your awesome Shield story Jessie. Poor Vic and poor Ronnie in your story. :'(I hate that Ronnie was killed and beaten in prison in your story. I feel horrible for Vic in your story not knowing where his wife and kids are. Vic is living in his own private hell on earth everyday. :'(I really love your Shield story that you wrote even though I haven't seen an episode of this show. You should write a follow up story to this story where Vic finds his wife and kids in the witness protection program and he confronts them.

[melinda]

this was powerful and filled with a lot of emotion. I'm sad its ended, it really was some amazing writing!