Post by melindajo2000 on Nov 8, 2012 18:27:14 GMT -6
ch 1
Kelly didn't know why Ryan didn’t love her, all she knew was that he didn't, and instead of hating him for it she hated herself. She tried everything she could think of to make him love her, and nothing seemed to matter, at least not to him. She went to the gym battling those pesky ten pounds she would like to lose, she grew out her hair, she kept her appearances up so that he would be proud of her. If he was, he didn't say. She just knew that if she worked at it long and hard enough he would come around. But this had been going on for five years, and if he had wanted to commit to her by then he would have.
Tonight there was a whole different side to Kelly than what the world saw. She had been crying for four hours, going through two boxes of Kleenex, looking at herself closely in the mirror and for the first time in five years, she didn't like what she saw. Instead of seeing the pretty young lady she was, she saw someone who was unlovable, at least according to Ryan, and who hated herself at the moment. She thought that if she wore the right clothes, did her makeup, was happy all the time Ryan would grab her up in a heartbeat. But tonight, for the first time in five years, she saw that she was wrong. Dead wrong.
She looked around her bathroom and saw a pair of scissors lying by the sink. In a desperate frenzy she chopped off her hair, causing it to be the bob that she wore when she first met Ryan. Mascara and eye shadow had blemished her face, making it hard for her to see anything that she liked about herself. No wonder Ryan didn't love her. She was a mess, a hot mess, and no one knew it but her.
Ever since her sister had died she had tried to be so brave, tried to live life fully, but tonight Kelly Kapoor was even more sad than when her younger sister died. She had nothing left to live for. She needed a new start, but the problem was she didn't even know where to begin. At least she knew that her sister had loved her. With Ryan it was about sex and money and what was in it for him. She hated herself for prostituting herself to a man who obviously had no interest in her, and she was saddened at what she had become.
When had she become so pathetic? Kelly had once been the light of the party especially at Dunder Mifflin, and she now was the female Toby. She talked to no one except when there was a cute salesman and she was trying to make Ryan jealous. If he ever was, he didn't show it. She wasn't his property or his possession, and apparently he didn't care about commitment. No, for the past six months she had gone to work, did her job, and talked to no one. She was a shadow of her former self, and if anyone should have noticed, it should have been Ryan. Instead he was into his concerts and business school and his career and his other women (Yes, Kelly knew about them) and once in a while if he was generous he threw Kelly a bone now and then. She had learned to live for his approval, and if she didn't get it, she was devastated. She didn't know when or why or how she had changed, and all she knew was that she was no longer Kelly Kapoor, chatterbox and party girl. She was the one no one would love, destined to be alone forever.
Why? Why didn't he love her? She gave him the best years of her life, the best sex she could have imagined, the best of her personality, and he didn't care. He should have been with her at that moment, telling her she was beautiful, holding her until the tears stopped, but instead he was out with friends. Friends with benefits, probably.
She realized what the problem was. She was Ryan's backup. She wasn't good enough to be his number one, so she was the one he went to when there were no other options. She wasn't even being treated like a human being. She was a backup. There was a time when she would have insisted on being his number one, but instead she was settling for much less than what anyone deserved. This couldn't go on any longer. Something had to give, and at the moment it looked like Kelly's sanity was what it was.
She didn't know what to do. She couldn't talk to Pam, she had the perfect little family and marriage. There had never been any doubt that Jim loved her only, even when he was with Karen. She couldn't talk to Andy, he would just sing and dance and turn her problems into a vaudeville act. She certainly couldn't talk to Michael. He would just make her feel worse about herself. And if she told her parents how she felt they would drag her back to India. Yes, Kelly was truly alone in the world, and she hated herself for it.
But what could she do? She wasn’t strong enough to leave Ryan, was she? After all what kind of life would she have if she did that? No sex life, no little looks, no teasing, no flirting. Anything he gave her was better than the alternative...being completely and totally alone.
She looked at her bottle of medicine, the antidepressants that Toby had once recommended, and she had a bad thought. Would it be so bad if she weren't around anymore? Who would notice, who would care? Certainly not Ryan. She stared at the bottle for quite some time, then finally decided to take drastic action. That would show him how much she loved him.
00000
When Kelly didn't show up at work the next day, Michael called a meeting in the conference room. Of course he put Ryan on the spot, asking if he had seen her. Ryan lied. He didn't tell him that he hadn't shown up for a scheduled date with her. So he just shook his head.
“Maybe she's out shopping,” Ryan suggested.
“If she was shopping she would have called in for a sick day,” Pam offered.
“Does she really do that? Because that would be against policy..” Toby stated quietly.
Michael stared at him with an evil look on his face. “One of our family...not your family, you have none, is missing and all you are worried about is policy? What the hell is the matter with you man?”
Toby said nothing as he sat back down on his chair.
“This is serious! She's Indian. Maybe she's been sold as a sex slave,” Michael announced.
“Yeah, Ryan's sex slave,” Kevin laughed. Everyone, especially Angela, shot him a dirty look.
“Ryan, she's your girl, what do you know about her?” Andy asked.
“I don't really think I'm the right person to answer that.”
“Why not? She loves you. Don't you love her?”
Ryan didn't answer.
“What is with you man? I've always said between the two of you,” Michael spoke up,” I'd pick you, but right now I'm not so sure.”
“She could be anywhere. I really don't know what to say.”
“What kind of mood was she in when you last saw her?” Pam asked.
“I don't know. She was mad at me so I kind of tuned her out.”
“Great communication,” Jim mugged for the camera.
“Do you ever tune me out?” Pam asked Jim.
“I'm sorry did you say something?”
“This is serious. I don't want us to be a Ryan and Kelly. I hope we have built something stronger. If I go missing I would hope you would know exactly where to find me.”
“I would never let you go missing in the first place,” Jim responded as he squeezed his wife's hand.
“You see!!!” Michael shouted. “That, Ryan, is love. That is commitment. That is what everyone wants. I know that's what I want. And I won't stop until I find it. I know you have your degree but what you really need is a degree in women.”
Ryan looked down, feeling so put on the spot. He hated when Michael made advances towards him, but this was worse. He let Michael down. He would rather have the creepy staring or the occasional slap on the but than to face his wrath.
“Maybe she's at home sick.” Oscar offered.
“Too sick to call in?” Dwight laughed. “I would never call off sick in the first place, and if there were an emergency I would page Michael right away.”
“That is if you had my actual pager number,” Michael muttered.
“You gave me a false number?”
“Never mind about the number! Jim, you and Ryan come with me. We're going to Kelly's house. Everyone stand by. This is an emergency, I repeat, it is an emergency.”
Everyone looked at Michael, hoping like usual he was making a big deal out of nothing. But in Ryan's heart he knew something was wrong. He didn't know why but he had a bad feeling about this. So he and Jim got in Michael's car and as they drove away, he for once realized what a fool he had been for so long.
Tbc
Kelly didn't know why Ryan didn’t love her, all she knew was that he didn't, and instead of hating him for it she hated herself. She tried everything she could think of to make him love her, and nothing seemed to matter, at least not to him. She went to the gym battling those pesky ten pounds she would like to lose, she grew out her hair, she kept her appearances up so that he would be proud of her. If he was, he didn't say. She just knew that if she worked at it long and hard enough he would come around. But this had been going on for five years, and if he had wanted to commit to her by then he would have.
Tonight there was a whole different side to Kelly than what the world saw. She had been crying for four hours, going through two boxes of Kleenex, looking at herself closely in the mirror and for the first time in five years, she didn't like what she saw. Instead of seeing the pretty young lady she was, she saw someone who was unlovable, at least according to Ryan, and who hated herself at the moment. She thought that if she wore the right clothes, did her makeup, was happy all the time Ryan would grab her up in a heartbeat. But tonight, for the first time in five years, she saw that she was wrong. Dead wrong.
She looked around her bathroom and saw a pair of scissors lying by the sink. In a desperate frenzy she chopped off her hair, causing it to be the bob that she wore when she first met Ryan. Mascara and eye shadow had blemished her face, making it hard for her to see anything that she liked about herself. No wonder Ryan didn't love her. She was a mess, a hot mess, and no one knew it but her.
Ever since her sister had died she had tried to be so brave, tried to live life fully, but tonight Kelly Kapoor was even more sad than when her younger sister died. She had nothing left to live for. She needed a new start, but the problem was she didn't even know where to begin. At least she knew that her sister had loved her. With Ryan it was about sex and money and what was in it for him. She hated herself for prostituting herself to a man who obviously had no interest in her, and she was saddened at what she had become.
When had she become so pathetic? Kelly had once been the light of the party especially at Dunder Mifflin, and she now was the female Toby. She talked to no one except when there was a cute salesman and she was trying to make Ryan jealous. If he ever was, he didn't show it. She wasn't his property or his possession, and apparently he didn't care about commitment. No, for the past six months she had gone to work, did her job, and talked to no one. She was a shadow of her former self, and if anyone should have noticed, it should have been Ryan. Instead he was into his concerts and business school and his career and his other women (Yes, Kelly knew about them) and once in a while if he was generous he threw Kelly a bone now and then. She had learned to live for his approval, and if she didn't get it, she was devastated. She didn't know when or why or how she had changed, and all she knew was that she was no longer Kelly Kapoor, chatterbox and party girl. She was the one no one would love, destined to be alone forever.
Why? Why didn't he love her? She gave him the best years of her life, the best sex she could have imagined, the best of her personality, and he didn't care. He should have been with her at that moment, telling her she was beautiful, holding her until the tears stopped, but instead he was out with friends. Friends with benefits, probably.
She realized what the problem was. She was Ryan's backup. She wasn't good enough to be his number one, so she was the one he went to when there were no other options. She wasn't even being treated like a human being. She was a backup. There was a time when she would have insisted on being his number one, but instead she was settling for much less than what anyone deserved. This couldn't go on any longer. Something had to give, and at the moment it looked like Kelly's sanity was what it was.
She didn't know what to do. She couldn't talk to Pam, she had the perfect little family and marriage. There had never been any doubt that Jim loved her only, even when he was with Karen. She couldn't talk to Andy, he would just sing and dance and turn her problems into a vaudeville act. She certainly couldn't talk to Michael. He would just make her feel worse about herself. And if she told her parents how she felt they would drag her back to India. Yes, Kelly was truly alone in the world, and she hated herself for it.
But what could she do? She wasn’t strong enough to leave Ryan, was she? After all what kind of life would she have if she did that? No sex life, no little looks, no teasing, no flirting. Anything he gave her was better than the alternative...being completely and totally alone.
She looked at her bottle of medicine, the antidepressants that Toby had once recommended, and she had a bad thought. Would it be so bad if she weren't around anymore? Who would notice, who would care? Certainly not Ryan. She stared at the bottle for quite some time, then finally decided to take drastic action. That would show him how much she loved him.
00000
When Kelly didn't show up at work the next day, Michael called a meeting in the conference room. Of course he put Ryan on the spot, asking if he had seen her. Ryan lied. He didn't tell him that he hadn't shown up for a scheduled date with her. So he just shook his head.
“Maybe she's out shopping,” Ryan suggested.
“If she was shopping she would have called in for a sick day,” Pam offered.
“Does she really do that? Because that would be against policy..” Toby stated quietly.
Michael stared at him with an evil look on his face. “One of our family...not your family, you have none, is missing and all you are worried about is policy? What the hell is the matter with you man?”
Toby said nothing as he sat back down on his chair.
“This is serious! She's Indian. Maybe she's been sold as a sex slave,” Michael announced.
“Yeah, Ryan's sex slave,” Kevin laughed. Everyone, especially Angela, shot him a dirty look.
“Ryan, she's your girl, what do you know about her?” Andy asked.
“I don't really think I'm the right person to answer that.”
“Why not? She loves you. Don't you love her?”
Ryan didn't answer.
“What is with you man? I've always said between the two of you,” Michael spoke up,” I'd pick you, but right now I'm not so sure.”
“She could be anywhere. I really don't know what to say.”
“What kind of mood was she in when you last saw her?” Pam asked.
“I don't know. She was mad at me so I kind of tuned her out.”
“Great communication,” Jim mugged for the camera.
“Do you ever tune me out?” Pam asked Jim.
“I'm sorry did you say something?”
“This is serious. I don't want us to be a Ryan and Kelly. I hope we have built something stronger. If I go missing I would hope you would know exactly where to find me.”
“I would never let you go missing in the first place,” Jim responded as he squeezed his wife's hand.
“You see!!!” Michael shouted. “That, Ryan, is love. That is commitment. That is what everyone wants. I know that's what I want. And I won't stop until I find it. I know you have your degree but what you really need is a degree in women.”
Ryan looked down, feeling so put on the spot. He hated when Michael made advances towards him, but this was worse. He let Michael down. He would rather have the creepy staring or the occasional slap on the but than to face his wrath.
“Maybe she's at home sick.” Oscar offered.
“Too sick to call in?” Dwight laughed. “I would never call off sick in the first place, and if there were an emergency I would page Michael right away.”
“That is if you had my actual pager number,” Michael muttered.
“You gave me a false number?”
“Never mind about the number! Jim, you and Ryan come with me. We're going to Kelly's house. Everyone stand by. This is an emergency, I repeat, it is an emergency.”
Everyone looked at Michael, hoping like usual he was making a big deal out of nothing. But in Ryan's heart he knew something was wrong. He didn't know why but he had a bad feeling about this. So he and Jim got in Michael's car and as they drove away, he for once realized what a fool he had been for so long.
Tbc
