After the war

[jessie]

Short story beware this is a sad one. I guess it suits my mood at the moment.

After the War

Hawkeye was at home, he stilled lived in Crabapple Cove, Maine. He enjoyed his job as a local Doctor, he was not married, but he had his women. He just couldn't settle down, he didn't understand why he blamed it on the War, and what he saw but he just didn't want to commit to one person. He thought about Margaret all the time, he knew she lived in Fort Ord, California, and she worked in a Army hospital. He kept in touch with BJ, and Trapper, and some of the others, but he lost touch with most of the team he worked with at the 4077th Mobile Army Surgical Hospital . Hawkeye was going to be 50 this year, and he thought what a waste of life. He was proud of all the lives he saved, but he wasn't so proud of how his life turned out. He was relaxing reading a book out on his porch when he heard the phone ringing. He put his book down, and laughed to himself thinking it probably was someone calling him in for an emergency. He hasn't had a holiday in over 2 years. He grabbed the phone saying hello.

"Hello"

"Hawkeye"

"Yes is this you John"

"Yeah how have you been Hawkeye"?

"Ok and you, what makes you call me at this time"?

"I have some bad news, I thought you would want to know"

"Oh God what is wrong, are you ok John"?

"It isn't about me, or my family, it is about Margaret"

Hawkeye had to sit down, "Margaret is she OK"?

"No her husband called she remarried the new guy seems really nice"

"What is wrong with Margaret"?

"She has cancer they don't think she will make it another 2 weeks. She asked for us Hawkeye, I don't know why"?

"She wants to see me John"?

"Yeah both of us, I'm not sure about the others"

"Are you going John"?

"Yes I have to, she asked for me"

"I have been thinking about her for weeks, why didn't I just call her up"?

"Hawkeye I really believe it is you she wants to see. Please say you will go see her, we can get a room at a Motel, and go see her together"

"I have to see if my Partner is OK with me leaving for a few days"

"Make it happen Hawkeye if you don't it will haunt you for life"

"I know but what am I going to say to her"?

"You will know what to say when you see her "

"I will call you tomorrow John, I will try to make arrangements to leave soon"

"Real soon we don't have time"

"Bye John thanks for calling" John hung up, and Hawkeye put the phone down. He was really shaken up, he couldn't believe this was happening. He knew he had to do this, but it would be the hardest thing he ever had to do. He has been dreaming about her , and secretly wishing one day they would hook up again. He didn't want to see her now, only to lose her. He knew John was right if he didn't he would always regret it, but he knew saying goodbye would be just as hard.

To be continued.

[melindajo2000]

this is really good. Poor Margaret. I'm glad Trapper encouraged him to do the right thing. Nice to see a new Mash story from you.

[Sanda]

Great start to your new story Jessie. Poor Margaret.

[jessie]

Chapter 2

The Following Day

Hawkeye was sitting on the couch, reading his newspaper, but he could not concentrate . He had called his partner asking if he could fill in for him for a few days. He was a little disappointed in himself he was hoping he would say no so he could blame not going to see Margaret on someone else. His Partner said it was fine he could go, but he hadn't called John back yet.

His phone started to ring, Hawkeye got up grabbing the phone saying , "Hello"

He waited a few moments , and when no one said anything he yelled, "If you have the wrong number just say so ". He was about to hang up when he heard her voice.

"Hawkeye"

He froze he knew her voice anywhere but she sounded so weak, and frail , and he could hear she was having trouble talking, and breathing.

"Margaret"

"Yeah I'm sorry you thought it was a wrong number. "

"I'm sorry Margaret, how are you"?

"I spoke with John he wasn't sure if your coming or not"?

"Margaret I don't know what to say"

"Please I need to see you , please say you will come"

Hawkeye found it hard to speak he was not a man that let his emotions get to him but Margaret was doing just that.

"I will be there I promise"

He heard her cough but she whispered, "I will be waiting, but hurry OK"

"Margaret"

"Yes"

"I'm so sorry I didn't call you all these years, I just thought it was for the best. I feel like a fool now, but I didn't know what to say"

"I know I felt the same way"

"See you soon Margaret you hold on "

"I am Hawkeye , I am"

He whispered, "Bye". She hung up, he hung up but his eyes welled up in tears. He hated hearing her that way, and he knew he was going to go there, and she was going to die, and he knew he regretted so much in his life, but not keeping in touch with her was his biggest mistake. He wanted to pick up the phone so many times, but he thought he would let her go but now he regretted it more than ever. He knew he never asked God for much, and he knew praying to save her would only be wishful thinking she was dying, and nothing he could do now to save her. He was going to go there, and listen to whatever she had to say to him, and try to help her be at peace before she died. He just hoped he didn't open up his big mouth, and upset her. He loved Margaret but he was such a fool he never really told her his true feeling. He knew he was not husband material he was selfish, and he loved to have fun, but Margaret stayed in his thoughts all these years. He would replay things that happened between them over, and over. He just wished he wasn't such a coward, and he just told her how he felt, and maybe something would have happened between them. He chalked everything that happened up to the war, but in his heart he knew she helped him survive that war, and all the heartache, and pain seeing the death, and destruction. He had his friends over their but Margaret was special, why didn't he just tell her, he was such a fool, but it wasn't to late to tell her, and he planned on doing it when he saw her again.

Hawkeye grabbed the phone calling John, and telling him he was going to see Margaret. They made plans to leave the next day, and they knew it was going to be hard seeing their friend this way, but they both knew it was the right thing to do.

[Sanda]

Great update Jessie. I am glad that Hawkeye and John are going to go and see Msrgaret.

[melindajo2000]

this is awesome I am I enjoy postwar stories, the friendship between Trapper and Margaret and Hawkeye was one of my favorite parts of the early seasons. They didnt show too much of a friendship between Trapper and Margaret but you knew he cared about her and what happened to her and you captured this nicely. very good job Jessie

[jessie]

Chapter 3

Hawkeye drove to the airport, he went through customs, and boarded the plane. He normally loved traveling but this trip was scaring him to death, he was a brave person but he was falling apart. He blamed it on age, but it was because he was going to lose the one person he truly loved, and he blew it letting her walk out of his life because he was a coward. He shut his eyes, he declined the food on the flight. He hated airplane food but he knew he would be sick if he ate. He had a beautiful young lady sitting beside him, and normally he would love that but he didn't even feel like talking to her or anyone. He slept most of the flight, and woke up when the Pilot came on saying they would be arriving at their destination in 1/2 hour. Hawkeye put his seat belt on, and looked out the window.

They arrived in California, Margaret lived in Fort Ord, California. He went through customs, and walked out hoping to see John. He should be arriving here at the same time. He looked around, and saw him waving. Hawkeye walked over dropping his bag, and hugged John.

"Wow you got old Hawk"

"Look at you Trapper really"

They both laugh as they grab their bags, and walked over to the car rental place. John said he would rent the car, and they could drive together. Hawkeye waited, and they were walking to the car John choose, and Hawkeye laughed saying it was small, he would have thought John would love a big one"

"No this is fine". They got in, and Hawkeye laughed when John handed him a map, and he was looking up where they had to travel too. Hawkeye gave direction while John drove.

"How have you been Hawkeye , I can't believe you never settled down"?

"You know me Trapper, I'm a ladies man"

"You need someone to take care of you Hawkeye"

"John you are still married how did you manage that"?

"A lot of work on her part". They both laugh, as they continued driving. John looked at Hawkeye, "Lets go to the hospital, than we will book into a hotel to get some rest"

"Oh God"

"Hawkeye you are the strongest person I know, you have to do this for her"

"I don't know what to say to her other than I blew it Trapper. I loved her, and I let her go, and I have regretted it ever since"

Trapper was shocked he looked straight ahead.

"Say something Trapper"

"I knew you two had a thing, but I thought it was just sex"

"She got me through that war, along with you, and the others. She wanted me to step up, but I was a coward, I didn't want to say I love you, because I have done that before, and it ruined everything. I have wanted to call her many times, but I thought no she is living her life, and she is over me. She is married, but she asked us to come why would she do that"?

"She is our friend, what we all shared over there was what bonded us all together Hawkeye"

"I don't want to see her just to say goodbye"

"To bad Hawkeye you have to , I will make you"

Hawkeye tried to smile. "Like you can make me do anything"

"If not for her do it for me, I need you to be strong for both of us. I'm nervous, I saw so much death, but when I came home I tried to forget what I saw, and what I did, but it will forever be in my memories. It should be, we never should forget what happened, and what we did even thought at times it felt like we were not winning , the Devil was. We saw so much death, and violence, but one good thing came out of that war was friendships that would last a lifetime"

"We are friends Trapper, I love you, but if you tell anyone I just said that I would have to kill you"

Trapper smiled but he saw the hospital, and he drove in, and he parked the car, and looked at Hawkeye. They both sat silent until they got out, and walked into the hospital together.

[Sanda]

Great update Jessie. I feel bad for Hawkeye and Trapper having to say good bye to Margaret.

[jessie]

Chapter 4

Trapper, and Hawkeye walked to the information desk to ask what wing or room Margaret was in?

"Hello she is in the Cancer Center floor it is on the 4th floor , room 407, follow the green line to the elevators".

"Thanks" Trapper said, while Hawkeye started to walk down the hall. He kept walking, Trapper whispered, "Room 407 how strange if they added another 7 "

"Stop Trapper I can't do this, I can't breathe"

"You came all this way we are doing this come on". Trapper grabbed Hawkeye's arm, and they followed the green line to the elevators, and Trapper pushed the button. He could see Hawkeye was nervous but so was he. The elevator opened, and they got on, and pushed the 4th floor. The door finally opened, and Trapper , and Hawkeye got off the elevator.

"This floor smells like death". Hawkeye whispered, Trapper shook his head, they asked one of the nurses which way was 407. She pointed, and they started to walked down the hall. They were close to the door when a man came out he looked upset. He walked over putting one hand on the wall, while he put the other up to his face. Hawkeye was staring but Trapper walked over asking the man if he was OK?

"No I'm not OK my wife is dying who are you"?

"Sorry we are here to see one of the patients our friend Margaret"

"Oh God you are Trapper, and Hawkeye"?

"Yes who are you"?

"Margaret's husband Steve, you can't go in yet"?

Hawkeye could hear Margaret gagging they were clearing her lungs, and he could tell she was suffering his heart started to race, and he ran into the room. Steve yelled out, but Trapper whispered, "He is a Doctor it is fine"

"She won't want him to see her like that"

"Hey would you like to go get a coffee"?

"What about them"?

"They will be fine I promise we will come right back up"

"OK I need some air". Trapper hoped Hawkeye would be OK, he walked with Steve down the hall to the elevator.

Hawkeye walked over seeing 1 Doctor, and a Nurse taking care of Margaret. She was so pale, and weak, her cheeks were covered in tears. She was suffering but she saw him, and it was like she stopped feeling the pain, she couldn't speak but she reached out her hand to him, and he grabbed it. The Doctors continued to work on her but she held on to Hawkeye's hand, and stopped struggling. They finally finished they cleaned her up, and they told Hawkeye she needed rest.

"No please let him stay" Margaret said, but she barely could get it out.

"Fine Margaret but you need rest you are exhausted"

"I know" Margaret said as the Doctor, and Nurse left them alone.

"Hawkeye you came"

"I am a man of my word"

"I look a mess"

"You look beautiful , maybe you should sleep"

"No"

"Margaret you can barely talk, you need rest"

"I'm dying , I want to talk"

Hawkeye felt like he was going to cry, that was not like him. He moved away, and Margaret was afraid he was going to leave her.

Margaret tried to sit up, Hawkeye turned, and ran over laying her back.

"I'm here, I'm not leaving what are you doing getting up like that"

"I'm scared Hawkeye"

"Shh shut your eyes, and we will talk as soon as you wake up"

"You won't leave me"?

"Me never". She smiled as she shut her eyes, and drifted off, as a tear rolled down his cheek, he wiped it away with the back of his hand. This was harder than he ever imagined, he didn't know how to comfort her. All he wanted to do was run away, and forget that he ever heard the news that Margaret was dying, because he loved her, and his biggest regret was he never told her, and now it was to late.

[Sanda]

Sad chapter Jessie. I feel horrible for Hawkeye and Trapper having to see Margaret so sick.

[melindajo2000]

poor Margaret, i'm glad you updated this wonderful story!