Post by melindajo2000 on Jan 14, 2012 15:24:55 GMT -6
a/n this is a personal favorite MASH story, if you don't know who Igor was he was one of the cooks who was featured quite a bit and he was even in the final episode.
The day started early for Igor, with a five a.m. wake up call. He had a long and, to be honest, rather fulfilling day ahead of him. He liked his job at times. Sure there were the complaints. Boy were there complaints. If he heard one more joke about rat poison he'd probably go crazy. But for the most part he liked serving up chow for the 4077. There was job security, for no one wanted his job. And he tried to have a good attitude, no matter how little respect he was served with. It wasn't the world's greatest job, but it was his, and that was all that mattered. He liked the challenge of feeding the camp with the limited supplies the army provided. It was difficult at times, well, most of the time, and it was a very thankless job. But he put his heart into it, and he was proud to call himself a cook.
He had his favorites. Radar O'Reilly would be at the top of his list.
"I'll take a second helping of eggs if you don't mind." Never mind that they weren't real eggs. The kid never saw a meal that he wouldn't eat.
"And some more sausage. A little more eggs. Thank you." The kid's seconds qualified for most people's thirds. At least Igor felt appreciated with this one.
"Do you know what your problem is?", asked the Lebanese corporal named Max Klinger who was wearing a red polka-dotted dress with black heels. His hair was still in curlers. Igor chuckled at the sight of him.
"No, sir, I can't say that I do."
"You don't serve Polish sausage. I know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy who could cut a deal. That would beat this drivel any day."
"Does this mean you don't want any?" Igor pulled back the sausage patty.
"What are you, trying to starve me? A guy's got to eat you know. Give me that!" Klinger gave the private a dirty look and made his way down the breakfast line.
"Good morning, Colonel. Sausage and eggs?"
"Not exactly a good-old fashioned down-home breakfast. But it will do. Fill 'er up." Sherman Potter held out his plate.
"Hurry up, Private!" barked a rather discontented Major Frank Burns. Igor wasn't too fond of this guy. He didn't complain about the food- waste not, want not he always said. But he treated people rather poorly, including Igor himself. "Well, are you just going to stand there all day? The colonel's a very busy man."
"Calm down, Burns. Let the man do his job. Scrimping on the eggs today?"
Igor relaxed and gave Potter some more eggs then turned to serve the major.
"Frank!"
"Yes?" He turned around, causing Igor to spill his food. Hawkeye laughed hysterically.
"I think you dropped something."
"That's not funny."
Igor sighed. Food was always being spilled, leaving him with one mess or another to be cleaned. But it did serve the major right for being so rude. And here was Hawkeye. Igor was very cautious around him especially since he started a riot in the mess tent.
"Igor, what is this? You couldn't find a real chicken for a real egg? I'll give you my next paycheck to find me a real egg.", pleaded Hawkeye. "Scrambled. Sunny side up. Mmm-mmm. My mouth's watering just thinking about it."
"Careful sir. You're drooling over the eggs. They may not be real but they're the best we've got." Igor, wide-eyed, served the captain who pulled back his tray. Great, he thought, another mess. Hawkeye did take a sausage patty, and picked it up to smell it. He threw it on his tray and asked for another one.
"Will you knock that off?", asked Margaret who held out her tray. Igor didn't know much about her, but he knew that he was a little scared of her. "I'll take precisely two servings of eggs, no more and no less."
"Watching our weight?" Hawkeye asked?
"Why, do I need to?" She looked at Igor.
"No, ma'am."
"Oh butt out. Who asked you?"
"Don't mind her.?" Hawkeye said as he left. "She's not a morning person. Or an afternoon person. I'm not so sure she's an evening person, either."
"Will you shut up?"
Igor did not take offense to Margaret's rant, as he understood that was the way she was. He saw a lot around here, and he knew better than to get involved. Finally breakfast was over, and after cleaning up, he got to go back to his tent.
Mail call, later that day…
Igor was pleasantly surprised to receive a letter from his girlfriend Judy. After all, he'd already received two letters from her this week. She was usually pretty good about writing him though, so he wasn't too shocked to hear from her.
My darling Igor,
I hope this finds you well. I know how tough it is being so far away from home. Please know my thoughts are always with you. I can't stop thinking about what you are going through. I know you must find it hard to believe but it is true. But Igor, it Is really hard for me back here too. Please keep on being brave because the war cannot last forever. Do you remember Billy Marshall? He says the peace talks are on again. I hope that it's true, for your sake. I have to talk to you, and there's no easy way to tell you this. But Billy and I are together now. I'm so sorry to have to tell you like this. It's not your fault. It's nobody's fault. It just happened. I hope you understand. Please be careful. Take care of yourself.
Judy
Igor couldn't believe it, he just couldn't believe it. He'd heard of soldiers getting "Dear John" letters but he never dreamt that he'd be one of them. How could she do this to him? They'd been together for two years, didn't that mean anything to her? True he hadn't exactly asked her to marry her but he always thought that they had time. Now she ran off with that dirty skunk Billy while he was stuck doing time in Korea. This just wasn't fair. He answered the call of his country and this is what happened to him? He needed a drink, and he needed one badly.
Later that night at Rosie's
"We'll never find a seat. This place is jumping." Hawkeye complained to B.J.
"Over there. Why don't we support our local cook?" B.J. suggested, nodding towards Igor.
"Mind if we sit down?"
"Hi, sirs." Igor seemed surprised. " Have a seat."
"So the horse walks into the bar and the bartender asks , 'why the long face?'. I've seen a happier face on someone that's gotten their draft notice. What's the deal?" Hawkeye asked. He shouted at the bartender for three beers.
Igor shook his head. "I really don't want to trouble you. "
"It's no trouble. What's going on?" B.J. asked.
"It's my girl. I got a 'Dear John' letter today. I never even saw it coming. Everything was going so well. She ran off with another guy."
Both guys nodded their heads. It was an all –too familiar story.
"Look, Igor, I can't tell you how many guys this has happened to."
"Has it happened to you?"
The two men looked at each other. The bartender brought the drinks.
"Well no, not exactly. B.J. here is married and I'm, well, it hasn't happened to me. But that doesn't mean it couldn't, I suppose. This war is hell. It wrecks hell on people's lives. You answer Uncle Sam's call and you have no say in what happens to your life. It stinks. no question that what she and that fellow did was wrong. But you can't let it get to you. You can't let yourself hate someone who hurt you. You might not be able to think about it now but you'll find someone else, someone who deserves you. Let her go." Hawkeye felt bad for the guy. Life was tough enough in Korea without having to worry about your girl back home messing around. He couldn't imagine what he would do if he were in Igor's shoes.
B.J. nodded. "I agree with Hawkeye. It's easy for us to sit here and tell you how to feel. But you know that hating her is not going to make you feel better. I don't know if you can forgive her but can you try not to hate her? War is tough enough without all of those nasty feelings lingering around. You've got enough to deal with. You've got to focus on making it through this. I know that it's a bad cliché, but give it time. What have you got to lose?"
His mind? "I don't know, sir. It' that we were together for a long time. I can't see myself with any other girl…"
"Any other girl. Beej! Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Hawkeye grinned at his best friend, then took a sip of his beer.
"Uh-oh. I don't like the sound of this." Igor muttered.
"What you need is a new girl! Any girl. There. See that blonde over there?"
"I don't know, sir."
"Igor, this is perfect. Go introduce yourself. Buy her a drink. Ask her to dance. That's all you gotta do. What harm will it do?"B.J. asked
"Do you want me to talk to her for you?" Hawkeye offered with a grin. "Be right back.
Igor stuttered."N..no…sir!" But before he could protest further, Hawkeye was across the floor.
A few minutes later, Hawkeye came back, blonde in tow.
"Igor, this is Shelley, Shelley, this is Igor. And wouldn't you know it, this is her favorite song."
"That's nice."
B.J. nudged him. "Oh. Would you like to dance?"
"I'd like that." She smiled sweetly and took his hand.
As the two made their way across the floor, Hawkeye and B.J. watched proudly.
"Look what we did, Dad." Hawkeye laughed.
"Looks like a match made in heaven." The fair-haired surgeon said.
The whole joint was jumping, none more so than Igor and Shelley. The two would agree to go out, and he would continue to serve his food. A few days later Hawkeye and B.J. both had real eggs for breakfast, with no one figuring out how Igor did it. Some days he loved his job.
The day started early for Igor, with a five a.m. wake up call. He had a long and, to be honest, rather fulfilling day ahead of him. He liked his job at times. Sure there were the complaints. Boy were there complaints. If he heard one more joke about rat poison he'd probably go crazy. But for the most part he liked serving up chow for the 4077. There was job security, for no one wanted his job. And he tried to have a good attitude, no matter how little respect he was served with. It wasn't the world's greatest job, but it was his, and that was all that mattered. He liked the challenge of feeding the camp with the limited supplies the army provided. It was difficult at times, well, most of the time, and it was a very thankless job. But he put his heart into it, and he was proud to call himself a cook.
He had his favorites. Radar O'Reilly would be at the top of his list.
"I'll take a second helping of eggs if you don't mind." Never mind that they weren't real eggs. The kid never saw a meal that he wouldn't eat.
"And some more sausage. A little more eggs. Thank you." The kid's seconds qualified for most people's thirds. At least Igor felt appreciated with this one.
"Do you know what your problem is?", asked the Lebanese corporal named Max Klinger who was wearing a red polka-dotted dress with black heels. His hair was still in curlers. Igor chuckled at the sight of him.
"No, sir, I can't say that I do."
"You don't serve Polish sausage. I know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy who could cut a deal. That would beat this drivel any day."
"Does this mean you don't want any?" Igor pulled back the sausage patty.
"What are you, trying to starve me? A guy's got to eat you know. Give me that!" Klinger gave the private a dirty look and made his way down the breakfast line.
"Good morning, Colonel. Sausage and eggs?"
"Not exactly a good-old fashioned down-home breakfast. But it will do. Fill 'er up." Sherman Potter held out his plate.
"Hurry up, Private!" barked a rather discontented Major Frank Burns. Igor wasn't too fond of this guy. He didn't complain about the food- waste not, want not he always said. But he treated people rather poorly, including Igor himself. "Well, are you just going to stand there all day? The colonel's a very busy man."
"Calm down, Burns. Let the man do his job. Scrimping on the eggs today?"
Igor relaxed and gave Potter some more eggs then turned to serve the major.
"Frank!"
"Yes?" He turned around, causing Igor to spill his food. Hawkeye laughed hysterically.
"I think you dropped something."
"That's not funny."
Igor sighed. Food was always being spilled, leaving him with one mess or another to be cleaned. But it did serve the major right for being so rude. And here was Hawkeye. Igor was very cautious around him especially since he started a riot in the mess tent.
"Igor, what is this? You couldn't find a real chicken for a real egg? I'll give you my next paycheck to find me a real egg.", pleaded Hawkeye. "Scrambled. Sunny side up. Mmm-mmm. My mouth's watering just thinking about it."
"Careful sir. You're drooling over the eggs. They may not be real but they're the best we've got." Igor, wide-eyed, served the captain who pulled back his tray. Great, he thought, another mess. Hawkeye did take a sausage patty, and picked it up to smell it. He threw it on his tray and asked for another one.
"Will you knock that off?", asked Margaret who held out her tray. Igor didn't know much about her, but he knew that he was a little scared of her. "I'll take precisely two servings of eggs, no more and no less."
"Watching our weight?" Hawkeye asked?
"Why, do I need to?" She looked at Igor.
"No, ma'am."
"Oh butt out. Who asked you?"
"Don't mind her.?" Hawkeye said as he left. "She's not a morning person. Or an afternoon person. I'm not so sure she's an evening person, either."
"Will you shut up?"
Igor did not take offense to Margaret's rant, as he understood that was the way she was. He saw a lot around here, and he knew better than to get involved. Finally breakfast was over, and after cleaning up, he got to go back to his tent.
Mail call, later that day…
Igor was pleasantly surprised to receive a letter from his girlfriend Judy. After all, he'd already received two letters from her this week. She was usually pretty good about writing him though, so he wasn't too shocked to hear from her.
My darling Igor,
I hope this finds you well. I know how tough it is being so far away from home. Please know my thoughts are always with you. I can't stop thinking about what you are going through. I know you must find it hard to believe but it is true. But Igor, it Is really hard for me back here too. Please keep on being brave because the war cannot last forever. Do you remember Billy Marshall? He says the peace talks are on again. I hope that it's true, for your sake. I have to talk to you, and there's no easy way to tell you this. But Billy and I are together now. I'm so sorry to have to tell you like this. It's not your fault. It's nobody's fault. It just happened. I hope you understand. Please be careful. Take care of yourself.
Judy
Igor couldn't believe it, he just couldn't believe it. He'd heard of soldiers getting "Dear John" letters but he never dreamt that he'd be one of them. How could she do this to him? They'd been together for two years, didn't that mean anything to her? True he hadn't exactly asked her to marry her but he always thought that they had time. Now she ran off with that dirty skunk Billy while he was stuck doing time in Korea. This just wasn't fair. He answered the call of his country and this is what happened to him? He needed a drink, and he needed one badly.
Later that night at Rosie's
"We'll never find a seat. This place is jumping." Hawkeye complained to B.J.
"Over there. Why don't we support our local cook?" B.J. suggested, nodding towards Igor.
"Mind if we sit down?"
"Hi, sirs." Igor seemed surprised. " Have a seat."
"So the horse walks into the bar and the bartender asks , 'why the long face?'. I've seen a happier face on someone that's gotten their draft notice. What's the deal?" Hawkeye asked. He shouted at the bartender for three beers.
Igor shook his head. "I really don't want to trouble you. "
"It's no trouble. What's going on?" B.J. asked.
"It's my girl. I got a 'Dear John' letter today. I never even saw it coming. Everything was going so well. She ran off with another guy."
Both guys nodded their heads. It was an all –too familiar story.
"Look, Igor, I can't tell you how many guys this has happened to."
"Has it happened to you?"
The two men looked at each other. The bartender brought the drinks.
"Well no, not exactly. B.J. here is married and I'm, well, it hasn't happened to me. But that doesn't mean it couldn't, I suppose. This war is hell. It wrecks hell on people's lives. You answer Uncle Sam's call and you have no say in what happens to your life. It stinks. no question that what she and that fellow did was wrong. But you can't let it get to you. You can't let yourself hate someone who hurt you. You might not be able to think about it now but you'll find someone else, someone who deserves you. Let her go." Hawkeye felt bad for the guy. Life was tough enough in Korea without having to worry about your girl back home messing around. He couldn't imagine what he would do if he were in Igor's shoes.
B.J. nodded. "I agree with Hawkeye. It's easy for us to sit here and tell you how to feel. But you know that hating her is not going to make you feel better. I don't know if you can forgive her but can you try not to hate her? War is tough enough without all of those nasty feelings lingering around. You've got enough to deal with. You've got to focus on making it through this. I know that it's a bad cliché, but give it time. What have you got to lose?"
His mind? "I don't know, sir. It' that we were together for a long time. I can't see myself with any other girl…"
"Any other girl. Beej! Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Hawkeye grinned at his best friend, then took a sip of his beer.
"Uh-oh. I don't like the sound of this." Igor muttered.
"What you need is a new girl! Any girl. There. See that blonde over there?"
"I don't know, sir."
"Igor, this is perfect. Go introduce yourself. Buy her a drink. Ask her to dance. That's all you gotta do. What harm will it do?"B.J. asked
"Do you want me to talk to her for you?" Hawkeye offered with a grin. "Be right back.
Igor stuttered."N..no…sir!" But before he could protest further, Hawkeye was across the floor.
A few minutes later, Hawkeye came back, blonde in tow.
"Igor, this is Shelley, Shelley, this is Igor. And wouldn't you know it, this is her favorite song."
"That's nice."
B.J. nudged him. "Oh. Would you like to dance?"
"I'd like that." She smiled sweetly and took his hand.
As the two made their way across the floor, Hawkeye and B.J. watched proudly.
"Look what we did, Dad." Hawkeye laughed.
"Looks like a match made in heaven." The fair-haired surgeon said.
The whole joint was jumping, none more so than Igor and Shelley. The two would agree to go out, and he would continue to serve his food. A few days later Hawkeye and B.J. both had real eggs for breakfast, with no one figuring out how Igor did it. Some days he loved his job.
