Post by melinda on Jul 21, 2014 23:29:32 GMT -6
this is for my daddy, who would have been 70 on the 21st. I think of him every day as I carry his newest grandbaby. Also for Jessie, who inspired me to write this by her lovely thread, that means so much to me. And for Sanda, I made it a Bobby and Pam one shot since I know you love them, and I'm so happy you introduced me to this wonderful site.
Bobby was quiet, and Pam couldn't help but wonder why. Actually she knew, but she was too scared to broach the subject with him.
One one hand, they should have been so happy. Their personal dreams had come true- they were together, they had Christopher, and they'd just found out that Pam was having a baby.
Ever since the news, Bobby hadn't said much. It wasn't until she looked at the calender that she was able to figure out why.
This week would be the first anniversary since Jock had passed away.
Pam watched Bobby sleeping, and she wanted to wake him, to hold him, to comfort him however she could. But she knew what he needed most was his daddy, and since that was impossible, the next best thing would be to let him sleep.
She couldn't help but feel bad for her husband. Theirs had been a long, hard journey, but they'd finally been able to learn to deal with JR, who'd been more miserable than ever since Jock had died. Pam felt bad for him, of course. But he'd been awful to her before that, and probably always would be.
She was getting ready to turn off the lights, when Bobby startled her by sitting straight up suddenly, waking in a cold sweat.
“Bobby? Honey, are you okay? Do you want me to get you anything...water, a cool cloth?” Pam asked, lovingly wiping the tears and sweat from his face.
He looked around, then just started to sob. She didn't know what else to do, but she held him close to her chest anyways.
“Bobby, I'm so sorry, honey. I'm so sorry,” she cooed soothingly.
“Pam...don't you ever leave me,” he managed to say as he tried to gather his thoughts.
“I'm not going anywhere,” Pam smiled. “I'm right here beside you, which is where I belong.”
He looked at her. “I don 't deserve you, you know.”
She smiled. “Sure you do. You deserve the best,” Pam teased through her own tears.
He started to laugh. “Thank you.”
“For what? I didn't do anything....” Pam started.
“For being you,” Bobby replied honestly and quickly.
She smiled and kissed his forehead. That was probably the sweetest thing she'd ever heard in her life. “I love you, Bobby. More than you know.”
“I love you too, Pam. I love Christopher and this little one...” he placed his hand on her stomach.
“It's okay to feel sad right now,” she told him, placing her hand on his.
“I feel so bad. I feel guilty, as if I'm being a bad father to our kids. I want to be happy, I really do. You've given me everything I've ever wanted and more, but now...I just can't help but think that I wish my daddy were here to share my joy with us.”
“Our joy,” she corrected him gently. “Bobby, I promised you on the day we wed that I would stand by your side no matter what. If you're hurting, then I hurt too. We just stay together and love each other until one day, though the pain will always be there- one day we'll wake up and you'll find that you just might be able to smile again.”
He shook his head, but Pam stopped him. “It's what he would have wanted for you, you know. As much as Jock loved you and JR and Gary, don't you think your daddy would have wanted you to be the kind of father he was, or even in some cases, he couldn't have been to you boys? I think I knew Jock well enough to know that if he were here ...actually, I believe he is here with you, and I am sure he sees you with Christopher. I know you're proud to be part of Ewing Oil, Bobby. I get that. But more importantly, you're carrying on Jock's name and legacy, and I couldn't think of a better way for you to honor your daddy than by loving our kids- all of them.”
Bobby didn't say anything at first. He took her hand then kissed her lips softly. “I don't deserve you, you know.”
“I know. But I still love you,” she teased, and they both smiled and he held her, and for the first time that year, he finally got a good night's sleep.
The end
Bobby was quiet, and Pam couldn't help but wonder why. Actually she knew, but she was too scared to broach the subject with him.
One one hand, they should have been so happy. Their personal dreams had come true- they were together, they had Christopher, and they'd just found out that Pam was having a baby.
Ever since the news, Bobby hadn't said much. It wasn't until she looked at the calender that she was able to figure out why.
This week would be the first anniversary since Jock had passed away.
Pam watched Bobby sleeping, and she wanted to wake him, to hold him, to comfort him however she could. But she knew what he needed most was his daddy, and since that was impossible, the next best thing would be to let him sleep.
She couldn't help but feel bad for her husband. Theirs had been a long, hard journey, but they'd finally been able to learn to deal with JR, who'd been more miserable than ever since Jock had died. Pam felt bad for him, of course. But he'd been awful to her before that, and probably always would be.
She was getting ready to turn off the lights, when Bobby startled her by sitting straight up suddenly, waking in a cold sweat.
“Bobby? Honey, are you okay? Do you want me to get you anything...water, a cool cloth?” Pam asked, lovingly wiping the tears and sweat from his face.
He looked around, then just started to sob. She didn't know what else to do, but she held him close to her chest anyways.
“Bobby, I'm so sorry, honey. I'm so sorry,” she cooed soothingly.
“Pam...don't you ever leave me,” he managed to say as he tried to gather his thoughts.
“I'm not going anywhere,” Pam smiled. “I'm right here beside you, which is where I belong.”
He looked at her. “I don 't deserve you, you know.”
She smiled. “Sure you do. You deserve the best,” Pam teased through her own tears.
He started to laugh. “Thank you.”
“For what? I didn't do anything....” Pam started.
“For being you,” Bobby replied honestly and quickly.
She smiled and kissed his forehead. That was probably the sweetest thing she'd ever heard in her life. “I love you, Bobby. More than you know.”
“I love you too, Pam. I love Christopher and this little one...” he placed his hand on her stomach.
“It's okay to feel sad right now,” she told him, placing her hand on his.
“I feel so bad. I feel guilty, as if I'm being a bad father to our kids. I want to be happy, I really do. You've given me everything I've ever wanted and more, but now...I just can't help but think that I wish my daddy were here to share my joy with us.”
“Our joy,” she corrected him gently. “Bobby, I promised you on the day we wed that I would stand by your side no matter what. If you're hurting, then I hurt too. We just stay together and love each other until one day, though the pain will always be there- one day we'll wake up and you'll find that you just might be able to smile again.”
He shook his head, but Pam stopped him. “It's what he would have wanted for you, you know. As much as Jock loved you and JR and Gary, don't you think your daddy would have wanted you to be the kind of father he was, or even in some cases, he couldn't have been to you boys? I think I knew Jock well enough to know that if he were here ...actually, I believe he is here with you, and I am sure he sees you with Christopher. I know you're proud to be part of Ewing Oil, Bobby. I get that. But more importantly, you're carrying on Jock's name and legacy, and I couldn't think of a better way for you to honor your daddy than by loving our kids- all of them.”
Bobby didn't say anything at first. He took her hand then kissed her lips softly. “I don't deserve you, you know.”
“I know. But I still love you,” she teased, and they both smiled and he held her, and for the first time that year, he finally got a good night's sleep.
The end
