Max Klinger's Day Off

[melindajo2000]

Warning: This has some humor but is ultimately a sad story.


Max Klinger's day off, chapter 1


"Hawkeye, have you seen Max today?" Potter peeked his head into the quarters Pierce shared with B.J. and Charles. Normally a person would be addressed by his last name, especially when in trouble. Hawkeye knew that Klinger was in serious trouble when the Colonel was looking for "Max". Not that trouble was anything new for the company clerk. He was probably inventing a new way to spell insane. Good old Klinger. Someone had to keep things lively around here.

"Did you check out Sears, ladies' department? I hear they have the Christmas sale going on. Too early in the season if you ask me. But they have a heck of a deal going on right now." Hawkeye commented as he played out a two-sided round of spades with B.J.

"Ladies' lingerie. Half-off." B.J. quipped.

"You two, this is no time for jokes."

"You're right. Make an appointment with my receptionist." Hawkeye nodded at Charles, who just scowled at him.

"I'm serious, boys. If I find out you two-you three- are covering for Klinger there will be serious consequences."

"If I say that I'm covering for him will you send me home?" Hawkeye pleaded.

"I don't know why I even bother. I'm deadly serious. I'm afraid that our friend may have gone AWOL. I have Klinger a 24 hour pass 27 hours ago."

B .J., Hawkeye, and Charles all exchanged concerned looks.

"We'll be on the lookout, sir." Charles said while looking through his music records.

"That a boy. That's all for now." Potter said as he exited.

"Speak for yourself, big mouth." Hawkeye whispered.

"I beg your pardon?"

"I'm with Hawk on this one. Ha, took your King of hearts! Charles, you don't rat out a comrade. What's Klinger ever done to you?"

"You don't ever disobey a direct order from the colonel. Oh wait, look who I'm talking to. The two biggest imbeciles…"

"Did you hear that, Beej..He called us imbeciles. At least our favorite record isn't scratching as we speak. Now give me that jack."

Charles looked down in annoyance as he realized Hawkeye was right as usual.

He stormed across the room to leave.

" B.J. has the king and ace of spades." He called out before slamming the door.

Hawkeye threw down his cards. "Thanks a lot, Charles. You shot down a boy's dreams of victory."

"Oh, no you don't. You play the cards you were dealt. No one knows that better than you."

" I think I'm going to pull a Klinger and go AWOL."

"You may not have much choice. Here comes Margaret. Looks like we have incoming."

And so the two men forgot all about their card game and went off to perform their surgical duties.

[jessie]

Great start to your story, Oh I hope Klinger is ok.. I can't wait to see what will happen next? I love your M.A.S.H stories..

[Sanda]

Great start to your new Story Melinda. I hope that Klinger is going to be OK.

[melindajo2000]

Chapter 2

About thirty miles from camp a wounded woman lay in the arms of a stranger.

"Maam. It's going to be okay. I'm going to get you some help." Klinger looked around desperately. He wasn't positive, but he believed that this woman was in a middle of a miscarriage. This was extremely dangerous for him. If a Korean saw him help his woman than he would certainly be killed. But if he left this woman alone then she would definitely die. Why had his car died? Just his luck that this had happened to him. Not to mention that he was certainly in trouble with his troop. Who would have ever guessed that he would give his left arm to be back at the base.

"No go, mister. Please." She grabbed him and pulled him to the ground. He was a strong man who'd certainly been grabbed by plenty of men, injured or not, before. But this was different. ..This was a desperate woman fighting for the life of her child. Certainly she knew her child was going to die but still she held on to hope. She was screaming in her native language, begging to be understood. Max didn't need to know Korean to understand what she was saying.

"Ma'am, I can't help you. You have to let go of me. " He took her hand and forcefully pulled it away from him.

She cried out.
Dreadfully, he had to cover her mouth with his hand. "Ssh. Ssh. You'll get us both killed. Now stop. Please."

He could tell from her eyes that she knew exactly what she was doing. She would do anything even if it meant risking both of their lives to get him to stay with her. Her big brown eyes shone with fear, her eyes dilated and crazed. Yet she was an extremely beautiful woman. It was hard not to want to protect her. She wore no wedding ring. He could only imagine the agony she was going through. She must be absolutely terrified, especially going through it alone. At that moment he decided that he would help her, no matter what the risk to his life. He had to get her back to camp. Hawkeye would know what to do. But how would he get her there? Her baby would not survive the trip, and she might not either.

Meanwhile, across the fields at the surgical tables, the team were still cussing out Klinger.

:"How can he be so selfish?"

"How can he pull one of his stunts at a time like this?"

"Thank God Radar is here to cover his sorry butt."

"Maybe we should grant his section 8."

"The army might be better off without him, anyways."

Potter sighed, knowing that if Klinger pulled a stunt like this something must be wrong, seriously wrong.

[jessie]

Great update poor Klinger, I feel bad for the woman. I hope they both will be ok. I hope the team finds him, and helps him. Update soon, I can't wait to see what will happen next? Awesome writing as always, I love your M.A.S.H Stories.

[melindajo2000]

Chapter 3

Back across the field

"Help mister. Please. Help me." The woman begged with her big brown eyes. Her hair was drenched with sweat. Klinger could see that her bare feet were badly blistered, but she never once complained.

Klinger looked around to see if anyone was close by. He looked down and saw that she was hemorrhaging. It would take three hours to make it back to camp at best. At least he had some food and water with him. He was hungry and feeling a bit dehydrating but it was obvious what he had to do. He opened his backpack and pulled out his canteen.

"Here. Drink."

She looked frightened and a bit confused.

"Drink." He motioned with his hands for her to drink. "Drink. For the baby." He rubbed his stomach." Baby."

"Okay. Yes." She nodded then sipped the water.

"Not so much. We have to save it for the trip." He took the canteen back and placed it in his bag. He helped her up and placed her arm around his neck. Before they took their first steps he said a silent prayer, hoping no one would see them.

Back at the camp everyone is tired and cranky at the mess hall.

"I'm ready to kill Klinger myself. Said Hawkeye. "I'm expecting my magazine my dad said he sent out three weeks ago."

"I'm waiting on some new pictures of Erin. I think she scrawled me a letter." B.J. said wistfully."

"And I'm waiting on the new Sears catalog. My roots are getting a little too dark for my liking. Well they are." Margaret declared.

Father Mulcahey spoke up. "Has anyone stopped to think that perhaps Klinger could use our prayers?"

Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at him. No one had allowed themselves to think the worst, but they knew in a war zone anything was possible.

"I'm sorry to bring this up but perhaps he's in trouble. It's not like Klinger to dis…"

"It's not like him to do what, Father?" Hawkeye asked sarcastically. " Try to get out of the army? To leave as soon as he get the chance? Chances are he's half way to Toledo by now. And I say good for him. In fact, let's make a toast." He stood up and raised his glass of milk, taking his fork and tapping it against the glass. "Here's to Klinger and his AWOL self. May he never see the likes of war again."

"Here here." Echoed B.J.

"That's enough you two." Charles sighed. "How you two can joke around when Klinger is probably…"

"Shut your trap!" Hawkeye pounded on the table, causing his fork to flip in the air, landing on Margaret's plate.

"Sit down Pierce!" she exclaimed. "Charles! How dare you say something like that when you know full well that he's just fine? Now everyone just calm down and eat your chow." Ever the voice of reason, she refused to allow anyone to believe for one second that anything bad had happened to Max Klinger. If someone said that aloud, then it might make everyone's fears more real. And she could not- would not- allow that to happen. No, Klinger was off on some kind of stunt, trying to get out of his duties. He would pay a price for his actions, she would see to it.

[jessie]

Great update, OMG I can't wait to see what will happen next? I hope nothing bad happens to Klinger, will the lady and the baby survive? Wonderful story, I love this Melinda.. Update soon.

[melindajo2000]

Chapter 4

Potter summoned Hawkeye to his office.

"Do you mind telling me what that was about back there?"

"I guess I just had a funny way of showing that I'm just as baffled as the next guy about Klinger's disappearance."

"Well next time keep it to yourself. The last thing we need is for a rumor to get started. Although it's hard to keep something like this quiet I suppose. Where do you think he could be? Just between friends- do you think he deserted us? I mean he has pulled this before, you know. But he came back. I had known even then he would. My gut tells me he's in trouble. Don't say anything because I don't want to start a ruckus. If Radar thought something was up, why, nothing would get done around here, bless his soul. " He said as he sat down at he sat down as he sat at as his desk. "Coffee?"

"No thanks. I've been up 32 hours and I plan on catching a few hours of sleep. But let me know when he shows up, will you. All jokes aside, it's not the same without the little lady around." Hawkeye said as he made his way to the door.

Across the field, the woman had stopped to rest, clutching her stomach. Klinger had never paused to guess how far along she was. It was hard to tell. The Koreans were a tiny race. She could have been anywhere from four to six months along. It didn't really matter at this point; the little one didn't have a chance of survival. Labor had not started although Klinger fully expected it at any moment. He just didn't have the heart or the words to tell her although she was quite sure he knew what was going to happen. There was so much he wanted to ask her. Was this her first baby? Where was the father? How did she get here? What was she going to name the little one?

She had to stop to catch her breath.

"My name is Max." he smiled and pointed to himself. "Max."

"Match." She stated .

"Match." He took her hand, but she pulled away. That was too much, too soon. "What's your name?"

"Oooh." She rubbed her stomach. "Water."

"I'm sorry. There's no more water. Just hang on, kiddo. We're almost there." Klinger looked around, as if he could find a nearby source of water. Of course, he had no such luck.

"Do you need to rest? Come on, let's set you down." He stopped and tried to get her to rest, but she refused. She furiously clung to his left arm, which was ready to give out for Klinger.

You're a brave one, I'll give you that. You have the strength of a dozen men.

Unfortunately she was bleeding again. He wondered how much longer she could last like that. He knew that the baby wouldn't last more than a few hours.

"Come on, we need to stop now." He paused as he switched her to his other side. "I really think you ought to rest for a half hour…"

"No Match. No rest."

If she could keep going then he certainly could. They were maybe an hour away.

. If they could make it another hour they would be home free. The sounds of gunfire didn't exactly help to reassure either of them. She was clinging to him for dear life, both metaphorically and literally. She did not once take her hand off of her stomach, as if she could will her child to live.

"Water." She begged.

"No more." Klinger shook his head.

"Water." She reiterated. "Water."

"No more!" And then he looked down, and saw the sad truth. The five months along woman's baby had dropped, suggesting that labor was on it's way. The question was if they could make it back to camp on time for the actual labor to begin. From the looks if things, Klinger was mentally preparing to deliver a stillborn child. The water she had been asking for was not to drink- her water had broken. Klinger was going to deliver a baby.

[melindajo2000]

oops I reposted the same chapter sorry

[jessie]

Awesome update poor Klinger, how awful for the poor lady.. Wonderful story Melinda, can't wait to see what will happen next?

[Sanda]

Great updates Melinda Jo. Poor Klinger and the lady he trying to help. That is soo awful that Klinger will have to probably deliver a stillborn baby.

[melindajo2000]

Chapter five

After an hour of the woman's laboring and pushing Klinger saw that his friend would die if she didn't have immediate medical help. Her baby was in breech position. Every time he placed his hand on this woman's stomach she screamed, and the baby kicked. He was obviously not the baby's father, but he would never forget the first time he first felt it kick. Klinger had been reaching over to make the mother comfortable as she lay down in a grass field and he accidentally brushed against her. She had laughed and pointed to her stomach and then to Klinger, indicating the baby liked him. She grabbed his hand and let him feel the baby kick. It was an intimate moment for complete strangers to share. But in a life and death situation, both persons were grateful for a brief moment to be unafraid. For a minute both forgot the seriousness of the situation she was in and shared a smile. Klinger laughed nervously as he touched her stomach and she smiled reassuringly. The baby just kicked repeatedly. They made a memory that would last a lifetime that may, for some, last only a few a few more hours. But it was a beautiful one. And then gunshots rang out causing him to snap back into solider mode. Her labor pains set in and also brought her back to reality. She let go of his hand and remembered her fears.

Poor little guy. You never had a chance. Just look at what you're missing. Gunfire. War. Prisoners. Hatred. Torture.

Guilt kicked in. That was no way to talk, if only even in his mind, to a little one. So he tried to replace such negative thoughts with more positive ones.

Trips to the zoo. Ice cream. Walks to the park with Mom. Arguments with classmates over a baseball card. Field trips. Pretty young things that would agree to meet you on a Friday night movie and have dinner with you before hand.

God, if you're listening, please let this baby make it through this. He didn't do anything wrong. He hasn't hurt anyone. He hasn't fought with anyone. He hasn't stolen anyone's weapons or invaded anyone's land. All he wants to do is be born. Is that too much to ask?

That same prayer dared him to believe that he was mistaken about the woman's length of pregnancy. He calculated that she might be as far along as six months, which was good news. (Maybe he was willing him to be six months along? Klinger didn't notice that he was now referring to the baby as a "he" rather than an "it"). If he could get the baby's momma back to camp, they might be able to get stabilize her and the baby. They just might be able to save the baby. The odds weren't good, but he could talk to Colonel Potter about pulling some strings and get him some top notch medical care. For the first time in three hours, Klinger had begun to feel hope. But he had to get back to camp.

Klinger put his hands on the woman's stomach, trying to feel the size of the baby. His objectivity was clouded by his hope for the child and by his exhaustion. It may not be the weight of the world on his shoulders, just the weight of a premature infant, but it was enormous just the same.

"It's going to be okay, honey. You have to let me try to help." Klinger whispered after he had taken a few minutes to rest. He got met with an unconvinced stare.

"Here, hold my hand. You can trust me. I'm not going to hurt you. Let me tell you about myself. I come from Toledo, Ohio. You'd like it there. I know I do. I'm going back there as soon as they let me. You'd like it there. " He stalled, desperately trying to buy time.

If he could make time stand still then he wouldn't have to make the decision to leave her all by herself. He couldn't even begin to imagine her physical pain compounded by her realization that he was "abandoning" her and her baby. She would be heartbroken and morified. There was no way he could turn back to witness her expression on her face. This was the kind of unimaginable horror that happened every day in war but in no way was no consolation. He could make it back to camp in 45 minutes. But he would have to make the trip alone. If he did he could return with help, and deliver there if need be, maybe even with Margaret. He just couldn't do this by himself. Once again the woman was bleeding some more. There was no time to think about his decision. It was time to start walking to camp. He just prayed that she could somehow forgive him for what he was about to do. He could only pray that God would watch over the two of them as he journeyed though the hazards of Korea.

"No! Nooooo!" He could hear the cries of the desperate woman, but could not do anything to help her. He bit his lip, remembering why he was doing what he was doing. Her cries were breaking his heart.

"No, Match!"

He quickened his pace as fast as he could, until he could no longer hear her.

[jessie]

Awesome update oh so sad the poor woman. I hope her and the baby survives.. Can't wait to see what happens next?

[Sanda]

Great update MelindaJo. I hope and pray that Klinger will be able to get help for the woman and her baby.

[melindajo2000]

Chapter six

Back at camp

"Jeez, Hawk. Let me give you something to sleep. You're no good to anyone if you're like this.?" B.J. Called out as he tossed and turned from his own bed.

"All you all right?" Charles asked with the best of intentions, well, for Charles anyhow. B.J. cringed. That would certainly not help matters.

B.J. knew that it wouldn't do any good. Once Hawkeye couldn't sleep, there wasn't anything in the world that could help. One time the whole camp banded together to try to get him to sleep, to no avail.

"I'm just fine. We just finished up a slew of wounded that would exhaust 30 men. I haven't had a day off in 7 days. Klinger's been missing for five hours now. We'd send out a search party if we thought that would do any good. And now I have Dr. Dolittle here on my case. I'd say everything's just peachy."

Just then Radar knocked on the door, then entered.

":Letter from home for B.J. . Magazine for Hawkeye. Sorry it's taken me so long." He said, sincerely.

"I didn't get anything?" Charles asked indignantly.

"I'm very sorry, sir. I left it up front. I'll bring it to you right away."

"Charles can walk up there in an hour and get it himself." Hawkeye replied before Charles could protest. "Can't you?" Then he walked over and patted Radar on the shoulder.

"You look like you haven't slept in days. How long have you been awake?" Hawkeye questioned as he stood up. He threw his magazine on his bed.

"Probably as long as you have, sir" . But it's okay. I'm sorry, but I really have to deliver the rest of this mail."

"Okay, I understand. And Radar, try to get some rest." Hawkeye sympathized. But everyone knew it wasn't the inconvenience that was bothering him. The diligent and somewhat timid friend was taking on additional responsibility without complaining, something that could be counted on from Radar.

"Who's that from?, Peg?" Hawkeye could tell who it was from by the smile on his best friend's face. His best friend had been practically been counting the hours until his letter from home arrived. But Hawk had to say something to break the tension in the room.

"Yes. I got the letter from Erin I told you about. Want to see it?"

"Sure. Let me finish this game of darts." But before Hawkeye could pick up a dart for the game he was about to start someone desperately knocked on the door.

"Radar. Go get some rest!" Both men said at the same time.

Only it wasn't Radar. An exhausted Max Klinger opened the door and would have collapsed if he hadn't needed to save two lives.